Resident Evil and Silly
by Drindrak
Summary: An entire series based off of what I say when I play the games. "Excella, darling, do try to not dodge my satellite lasers. I need to kill you." "What the hell did you do Chris!" "Sheva you crazy bi*ch! Why'd you waste my last First Aid Spray!" "C'mon Agent, just open the freaking door!" "Ada, wait!" OOC. T for language.
1. First Four, Anyone?

**A/N: This is my first Resident Evil story. As I mentioned in the summary, this is a series based off of what I say when I play the games. Sometimes I play with my brother, so, if some of these might seem as though the characters are being played by two people, that's why. All of these below were Co-op with my bro. **

Chapter 1: First Four, Anyone?

**#1 Hugz Nao Plz? RE5**

Sheva gave a glance around. Chris had run off somewhere, leaving her to defend the door from Uroboros infected Africans. She looked up at the sound of hurried footsteps and caught sight of Chris' overly-muscled frame. "Hey, there's no zombie guys here!" She shouted, waving her hand in greeting. She blinked in confusion when he ran past her with a scream of,  
"RUN!" She turned to where he had come from, and choked on a scream. A writhing mass of tentacles was slowly moving towards her. It stopped a few feet from her and extended two tentacles in a fairly innocent gesture.  
"I can haz a hugz?" It gurgled, and Sheva pivoted on her heels and chased after Chris.  
"SHIT!" She shouted, as she caught up to Chris. She glared at him. "What the hell did you do!" Chris turned to her with wide eyes.  
"Nothing, I swear!"  
"Yeah, right!" A gurgle came from behind them.  
"Hugz?" The two looked over their shoulders, and, upon spotting the mass of tentacles reaching for them, ran faster.

**#2 He's Powerwalking! RE5**

Sheva peeked around the corner of the hall, gun raised in case that leather-clad bad guy full of awesome was there. Said blond haired man was doing his shadowy teleport all over the place.  
"You can't hide forever!" He shouted. Sheva snorted and whispered to herself.  
"I can and will." She looked behind her at the feel of someone behind her. Chris smiled and gave a wave.  
"Hi Sheva!"  
"Chris. It looks like you've finally escaped that druggy."  
"Hey, don't talk about Jill that way! It's not her fault!" Sheva rolled her eyes and leaned closer to the wall. Chris moved around her, and started to peer down the other hall. Sheva copied. "What's Wesker-" They saw him start walking faster, and the turned quickly, dashing down the hallway with a shout of,  
"He's Powerwalking! RUN!"

**#3 How do you say... RE5**  
***Uroboros**

Chris kicked the downed body with a smile. Sheva stood next to him, gun raised. Chris nudged the body with his foot, before turning to his partner.  
"What are they infected with again?" Sheva glanced down at the body.  
"Uh-ruh-boros*." Chris' brows furrowed in confusion.  
"Isn't it Oo-ro-boros?" Sheva huffed and crossed her arms.  
"Weskah says it like that." Chris glared.  
"Wesker. -er." Sheva growled in her throat, and kicked the body.  
"Whatever."

**#4 Oops... RE5**

Sheva raised the rifle, and grinned at Chris, who looked worried. He looked down at Jill, who was glaring up at them.  
"Don't worry, Chris. I got this!" Sheva said, positioning the rifle. Chris nodded.  
"If you say so..." Sheva peered into the scope, and aimed at Jill. The blonde was doing backflips and moving around lots. Sheva increased the magnification in her scope, and, once Jill stopped moving, aimed at the red device attached to the blonde's chest. "Got the shot!"  
"Do it." Chris said, and Sheva pulled the trigger. The bullet whizzed down to Jill. Sheva stared through the scope, horror-struck, as the bullet completely missed and sliced through Jill's neck. Sheva jerked away from the rifle, and watched, along with an almost crying Chris, as a red geyser of blood came from the blonde's neck before she collapsed. Chris shook in rage.  
"WHAT THE HECK! WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING!" Sheva banged her head against the railing.  
"Oh come on! That was the thirteenth try already!"


	2. Next Four!

**A/N: And here's the next four! Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I won't run out of ideas for this too soon. The only ones here played Co-op with my brother are #5 and #7. The other ones were actual deaths that happened to me, playing single player.  
**

**Chapter 2: Next Four!**

#5 I'm a Ninja Bitch! RE6

Sherry poked her head over the barricade and silently counted the J'avo standing a few feet away. Jake crouched next to her, checking the condition of their guns, though they were out of ammo. He looked at her and nodded to the barricade.  
"How many?"  
"Three." Jake peeked over the barricade.  
"We'll have to do this stealthily. Sneak up behind them and smash their heads in." He muttered, and Sherry smirked, quietly getting out her stun rod.  
"Got it!" She shouted, hopping over the barricade. Jake groaned and slammed his head against the barricade. "NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-" Sherry started shouting, ramming her stun rod through one of the J'avo's heads. "-IIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN-" She gave a flying kick at the last, knocking his head off of his shoulders and making the body slam into the last J'avo, causing it to fall on it's back. "-JAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She impaled the final J'avo with a grin. Jake sighed, and leaped over the barricade.  
"Or we could just do that."

#6 Dammit Leon! RE6

Helena took one look at the gas-spouting monster and booked it in the opposite direction. Leon may be her partner for this mission, but he was to busy shooting at the thing and she wasn't sticking around that suicidal maniac. She checked her PDA, and noticed her health was down. In fact, she could die from tripping over one of those dead bodies. Which she did, less than a second later. "SHIT!" She shouted, slamming into the ground and groaning in pain. She fumbled around for one of her health tablets, and, just as she was about to pop one in her mouth, Leon just happened to trip over that same body. Her tablet case flew from her hands, and she vaguely heard Leon shout,  
"HELENA!"  
She blinked as a bright white light flashed, and they were standing at their last checkpoint. Leon shifted and rubbed his neck. Helena glared at the ground for a few seconds before whirling on her partner.  
"DAMMIT LEON!"  
"How was I supposed to know that the dead body was RIGHT THERE, and you were DYING!"  
"The fact that I had just tripped over it, dumbass!" She took a breath. "And I told you before we encountered that monster that I had barely any health left!" Leon huffed and crossed his arms.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

#7 Where Were You?! RE5

Chris and Sheva ran as fast as they could away from the Chainsaw wielding Majini. After a few minutes of dodging chainsaw swings and just running, Sheva turned sharply, and dashed off to the right.  
"OI!" Chris shouted, as the Chainsaw Majini slashed down with it's chainsaw, ripping into his shoulder. "AHHHHH!" Chris screamed, as every where was filled with gore.  
"CHRIS!" Sheva shouted, just before a bright white light surrounded them. They reappeared a few minutes in the past, at their last checkpoint, at the now open double door. Chris twitched and glared at Sheva, who was sheepishly grinning.  
"Where the hell were you!" Sheva laughed nervously.  
"Heheheh, I was in a building..."  
"A...building..."  
"Yeah! I was gathering ammo! I was out, you see-"  
"I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!"

#8 You've Been Bus'd! RE6

Ustanak, in all it's balding ugliness, charged into Helena, throwing her a few feet away. She smacked into a crate, and fell to the ground groaning. Her PDA beeped, telling her that her health was extremely low. Ustanak brought it's claw down on her, effectively causing her to start dieing.  
"D-Dammit, I need a health pill!"  
"I'd help you, but you're kind of being choked by that ugly bastard!" She heard Jake shout, as he fired a few more rounds into Ustanak. A loud honk made them turn their heads, towards the direction Leon and Sherry had jumped to. A huge, broken looking bus was speeding at them. Specifically, it was heading straight for Helena and Ustanak. Helena barely had time to blink before the Bus rammed into the both of them.  
"HELENA!" Leon shouted out. After a few seconds, the two partners reappeared at the last checkpoint with a bright light. Helena was seething while Leon was hitting himself with his gun.  
"DAMMIT LEON!" Leon glared at her.  
"IT WASN'T ME!" Helena threw open the door and pointed at the blond hiding behind Jake, who was snickering to himself.  
"DAMMIT SHERRY!"


	3. 9 Through 12, Peeps?

**A/N: All the RE5 ones below were played Co-op with my brother. And yes, in #11, that is the battle cry I shout when I'm running towards zombies or J'avo. Enjoy!  
**

**The next four will be out sometime this weekend, as I kind of need to replay some of the games to get some material. xD I got a whole bunch of 5 and 6 stuff, but barely any for the rest!**

Chapter 3: 9 through 12, Peeps?

#9 Missiles to the Face! RE5

Chris and Sheva ducked behind a wall, hiding from Wesker. Chris glanced around, and whispered,  
"We need another Rocket Launcher missile..." Sheva gulped, and nodded.  
"I'll go get one." She whipped around, and took off running.  
"Be careful!" Chris shouted after her. Sheva turned and waved at him.  
"I will!" She said, before everything exploded into a fiery death and a bright light flashed. The partners blinked in confusion, before Sheva groaned and smacked her forehead. Chris furrowed his brow.  
"How'd you die?" Sheva glared at the leather-clad blond a few feet from them, and pointed angrily at him.  
"He threw a MISSILE at my FACE!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms.

_**Missiles to the face? Wesker's done that.**_

#10 Done That. RE5?  
***Slight parody of above.**

Chris furrowed his brow. "What's Wesker doing?" Sheva pointed at the blond, who was walking quickly towards them.  
"He's Powerwalking!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms.  
_**Powerwalking? Wesker's done that.**_

Chris furrowed his brow. "What happened to Jill?" Sheva pointed at the two blondes standing in the centre of the room.  
"He turned her blonde!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms, and Jill twitched.  
_**Turned Jill blonde? Wesker's done that.**_

Chris furrowed his brow. "What's in those cylinders?" Sheva pointed to the blond standing in the view room, and then at the cylinders.  
"Uh-ruh-boros!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms.  
_**Uroboros? Wesker's done that.**_

Chris furrowed his brow. "Where did Wesker go?" Sheva pointed at the volcano below them.  
"He fell into the volcano! Oooh! Look, his shirt's gone!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms.  
_**Falling into volcanoes? Wesker's done that.**_

Chris furrowed his brow. "Did we get him?" Sheva pointed at the thoroughly destroyed volcano.  
"I'm pretty sure we did!" Wesker smirked and crossed his arms, although he's dead, so no one really saw it...  
_**Rockets to the face? Wesker's done that.**_

#11 I Came to say... RE6

Ada frowned, and stared down the row of zombie-things at the zombie-thing with the Red Jewel in it's eye socket. She raised her crossbow, and silently debated just shooting all of the zombie-things and grabbing the jewel.  
"Hmm... decisions, decisions..." She rubbed her chin, before nodding to herself. She strapped her crossbow to her back, and stretched. Gotta do this the old fashioned way and save ammo. She started running towards the zombie-things. "I came!" She bypassed the first zombie-thing with a shove. "To say!" She stabbed another zombie-thing with a combat knife as she passed. She reached towards the zombie-thing-with-the-Jewel's face, and grabbed the jewel. "I love you!" She ripped the jewel from it's face and smirked. "In a totally platonic way. Zombies aren't my thing." She placed the jewel into one of her many pockets, and took out her grappling hook. "I do hope you haven't taken that the wrong way." She aimed the grappling hook, and shot off to the ceiling. "Ada away!"

#12 Everyone Knows... RE6

Chris stood with a hand raised towards Piers, who was aiming his gun at "Ada." His eyes set into a glare.  
"Carla Radames... we meet again." Carla, or Ada, or whoever she believed she was, glared back at him and scowled.  
"I'm Ada. Ada Wong." Chris scoffed.  
"Everyone knows that the real Ada wears red." He eyed her blue dress. "Geez, it's like you've never played the games! What a loser, eh Piers?" Piers gave his captain a confused look.  
"Uh, Captain? What games?"  
"Yes Redfield, what games?" Carla hissed. Chris cocked his head to the side.  
"You mean you two have never played Resident Evil before!" At that moment, Leon and Helena burst in, guns raised. Chris turned to them.  
"Leon! His girly partner! These two say they've never played Resident Evil!" Leon gasped in horror, and Helena sighed and shook her head.  
"You poor souls!" Leon cried out. Carla growled and got out her grappling hook.  
"That's it, I'm leaving!"


	4. Maybe Four More?

**A/N: I need to play the games again. I'm dwindling on pre-written ideas. Ah well, is not that hard to get ideas! Only #15 was co-op this time around.**

**Chapter 4: Maybe Four More?**

#13 Just One Request. Code: Veronica X

Alfred Ashford let out a really annoying and high-pitched laugh-giggle thing. Claire gaped up at him, half annoyed and half surprised. Alfred let his giggles trail off, and he raised his rifle.  
"Any last requests, Redfield!" He burst into another round of giggles. Claire smiled mockingly and nodded.  
"Yeah, just one!" Alfred stopped giggling and stared down at her. He wasn't expecting her to answer.  
"Uh, ah! I see, what is it then!" Claire glared and shouted,  
"Shut the hell up you red-wearing dork!" Alfred flinched back and slowly started crying. Claire blinked, confused, as he started bawling. He dropped his rifle, started wiping his tears away, and ran off down the upstairs hall.  
"ALEXIA! SHE CALLED ME MEAN NAMES!" Claire stared at the spot Alfred had just been at, and furrowed her brows, her confusion increasing.  
"What the hell?"

#14 Ada...? RE6

Leon looked around the rock cavern thing he and Helena had entered a few minutes ago. They had just kicked Helena's sister's ass, and were now recuperating. He heard a slight shuffling behind him, and turned to see Ada slowly trying to sneak away.  
"ADA!" She jumped a bit, before dashing off. "WAIT!" He ran after her, but stopped after a little while, as he lost sight of her. Helena walked calmly up to him and rolled her eyes. A rock falling from above them made them both look up. Ada was shuffling along a small ledge. "ADA!" She jumped, losing her footing. She got out her grappling hook real quick and launched off. "Stop!" Helena patted his arm.  
"Don't worry Leon. I'm sure one day we'll see her again."

Leon squinted at the Ada standing a few feet from him. She was wearing red... even if it was just a scarf. But...  
"A...da?" He wondered aloud, catching her attention. He grunted and glared. Okay, she was obviously mocking him with that not-red dress. Helena raised a brow at him.  
"Uh, Leon? Can we hurry this up? We're all kind of in a showdown here!"  
"Yeah yeah, shush Helena..." Leon took a step towards Ada. "ADA!"  
"Yes?" She questioned, shifting her stance slightly.  
"I thought we agreed that blue was MY COLOUR!" He whined, pointing at her dress. "In Raccoon City, remember!"

#15 Sister RE6

Leon stared at the gas-spouting zombie a few feet from him. It looked rather familiar, in fact, it looked a lot like... His eyes widened and he smirked.  
"Hey. Helena! Look, this zombie here!" His partner looked up from the gun she was loading, and raised a brow.  
"Yeah, what of it?"  
"It reminds of your sister!" She twitched and glared at him.  
"Leon, that is one of those disgusting gas-spewing bastards. It does not look anything remotely like my sister!"

Leon patted Helena on the back, and pointed at one of the fatter zombies a few feet away.  
"Hey, Helena, that one reminds me of your sister!" Helena punched him in the gut before shooting at the zombies. Leon groaned in pain. "You didn't have to hit me!"  
"Yes I did."  
"God, I'm sorry, okay? It's not my fault your sister was a homicidal fat bitch." Leon instantly regretted saying that. "Look, don't hit me!" He turned and dashed away, heading for the doors. Helena aimed her gun, and started firing after him.  
"TAKE IT BACK!"  
"NEVER!"

#16 Tentacle Monsters from Above! RE4

Leon pushed the elevator button once again. "Why isn't this working!" He shouted, slamming a hand into the button. It was then that he noticed that it didn't have power. "Oh." He looked around the room for a breaker box or something to provide the missing power, but he didn't find anything but some handgun ammo. He grumbled to himself about stupid castles and their inability to keep power flowing, as he walked from the room. He glanced down the part of the hall he came from, before turning in the other direction and heading off. "Gotta be power here somewhere."  
Leon cautiously approached the last door in the hall. The only other room was empty and only had a small jewel in it. He pushed open the door, and stepped in. He looked around, and smiled at the sight of a breaker box. "Oh goodie, Power!" He rushed up to it, and flipped a few switches. He heard a whirring sound, and then the sound of the door locking. "Oh nuh-uh, the door did not just lock on me!" He shouted, running to the door. It was locked, as he had suspected. He muttered angrily to himself, not even noticing the strange monster sneaking up on him, until he turned around. He promptly screamed and ran around it. "Oh my god, what the hell was that!" He looked over his shoulder, and sighed in relief when he didn't see the monster. "Phew..." It was then that he glanced up. And spotted the monster, dangling tentacles and clawed arms at him. "TENTACLE MONSTER! NOOOOO!" He heard the door unlock, and decided that he need not kill the monster. Running for his life seemed like a more interesting idea. "WHY ASHLEY! Why must you get captured so much!"


	5. Okay, Another Four

**A/N: #17 was co-op with my bro. :D Enjoy.  
**

Chapter 5: Okay, Another Four

#17 I'm Not Ada Wong RE6

The Agent raised a brow at Ada, as she gestured for him to open the wooden door. He rolled his eyes, not that anyone could see as he was wearing a mask, and reached for the doorknob. Said doorknob promptly disappeared as soon as he touched it. He dropped his hand, and the knob reappeared.  
"You've got to be kidding me..."  
"Oh come on Agent, just open the freaking door!" Ada shouted, raising her crossbow to shoot at some Neo-Umbrella J'avo. Agent grumbled under his breath, and reached for the knob once more. The knob jumped from its spot on the right side of the door to the left. Agent growled, and reached for the knob once again. It jumped from the left, up. Agent continued to try to grab the knob, and the knob kept jumping side to side, up and down, until he finally was able to grab it. He smirked, and twisted. Only to discover that the door had somehow locked itself. He screamed in rage and fired all his ammo into the door. Despite being made of wood, it kept sturdy and whole.  
"GOD DAMN YOU, YOU DOOR FROM HELL!"  
"Oh for the love of... Let me do it!" Ada pushed him out-of-the-way and easily opened the door. She turned to him with a glare. "How hard was that?"  
"Well, I don't know! I'm not Ada freaking Wong, I can't open doors! Apparently, only Ada freaking Wong can!"

#18 You've Been Bus'd! V.2 RE6  
**-Was playing Leon's campaign, and, well, this happened. Twice. Think of it as a continuation of the first You've Been Bus'd!**

Helena made sure to stay as far away from the spot where Sherry last hit her with the old bus. She also made sure to avoid Ustanak. She paused, in the middle of the open area, and checked her PDA quickly. Two little health bars. That was okay, she guessed. Not as bad as before. She checked her guns.  
"Well, damn, only got ammo for my Hydra." She heard a loud honk, and Sherry and Leon shout,  
"HELENA! MOVE!" She glanced behind her, and spotted the old bus. Heading straight for her. Again.  
"For fuck's sake!" She shouted, before the bus rammed into her, and flung her to the side, right into Ustanak. Her PDA beeped, informing her that she was dying and needed a health tablet, just as Ustanak raised his clawed hand. "I hate you so much, Sherry, Leon." She muttered. Ustanak slammed his claw into her, effectively killing her.

"Look, Helena, she said she was sorry!" Leon pleaded, as Helena kicked open the doors, Hydra raised, aiming for the blonde hiding behind a laughing Jake.  
"I don't care." She hissed, as she took aim. "That bitch hit me with that damn bus twice! IN BARELY HALF AN HOUR!" Sherry poked her head out from her redheaded shield.  
"I'm sorry Helena! I never got my driver's licence!"  
"Neither did Leon, but he can drive just FINE!" Leon flushed and mumbled something about cop cars, the worst plane crash in the century, and for her to ask someone named Claire about Raccoon City. Helena decided to ignore him, and lowered her gun.  
"One last try. You hit me with that bus one more damn time, and I'm killing you, you hear!"  
"Y-YES!"

#19 Invisible Snakes Can Go Fuck Themselves RE6  
**-Finally decided to tackle Chris' campaign after my brother and I dying horribly at least 100 times during our last attempt at it. xD Here's what happened.**

Chris watched, horrified and slightly annoyed, as a giant invisible snake looking thing ate his men. He fired his Assault Rifle for a few seconds, before stopping and muttering to himself,  
"This isn't the upgraded form of that snake from the Mansion, is it?" Piers looked at him confused.  
"What mansion?" Chris sighed.  
"Oh Piers, sometimes I forget that you've never played the games before." Piers furrowed his brow.  
"What games?"  
"Nevermind."

"PIERS!" Chris shouted as the snake ate the sniper. With a flash of light, they were at the beginning of the battle again. Less than a second later, Chris stared into the gaping maws of the snake.  
"CAPTAIN!" Another flash of light. A few minutes later, Chris fired at the snake, which then decided to eat him again. "CHRIS!" Chris and Piers, once again, appeared in a flash of light at the beginning fo the fight. Chris grit his teeth roughly and threw a grenade at the snake, but ended up getting ate once again. "CAPTAIN!"  
"FUCK IT! I was saving this for later, but who the hell cares! This snake's going down bitches!" Chris shouted, running towards the giant invisible snake, Grenade Launcher in hand. He shot out grenade after grenade at the thing, until it finally slithered away.  
"Uh... Captain?" Chris smiled a deranged little smile, and turned to Piers.  
"Yes Piers?"  
"Err... good job!"

#20 It All Makes Sense Code: Veronica X

Claire glared up at the rambling blond standing on her shoulder. What was his name... Weski? No, Wesker! Yeah, her brother mentioned him a lot! The fight between them went nothing like how she pictured it would. She thought that she'd at least get a shot at him, but no. He went and kicked her ass half way to next Tuesday, and back again. Throwing her this way and that, a kick here and there, before finally standing on her shoulder. He just came out of nowhere. Like a... Like a Ninja! Claire's eyes widened. That was it! Wesker's a ninja!  
"IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!" She shouted, interrupting his monologue. He raised a brow.  
"What makes sense? How I'm going to kill your brother?"  
"...yeah, through butt sex..." She muttered. He growled, and pressed harder with his foot.  
"What was that?" His eyes glowed red from behind his sunglasses. Claire gulped and scrambled for an appropriate answer.  
"Uh, I said... uh... through basic tactics. Yeah, Basic Tactics, that's what I said." She laughed nervously.  
"That's what I thought. Now, as you were saying earlier?"  
"Err, it all makes sense. About how you're able to do the things you do? Ya know, the ninja shit?" He nodded. "It makes sense that you can do ninja shit because you are a Ninja!" He opened his mouth to respond, when his phone beeped. He checked it, smirked, and moved away from her.  
"Never mind that for now. I got to go. We'll meet again soon." With that, he ninja-jumped onto the brick wall next to them, and leaped into the darkness. Claire rubbed her shoulder in amazement.  
"Wow... I just met a real life ninja, and he didn't kill me. Maybe I could get his autograph next time we meet?"


	6. The Late Four

**A/N: Sorry bout getting this chapter out later than I usually would have. I lost track of time playing the games over, lol. Plus, school started. I don't know about you guys, but I kinda enjoyed playing Operation Raccoon City. For a RE game made by someone other than Capcom, it was a rather cool. Mainly because Nemisis was in it. And Ada. And Claire.  
**

**Note, #22 is different than usual. #21 was co-op with my brother.**

Chapter 6: The Late Four

**#21 Excella, Darling RE5**

Sheva and Chris weaved in and out of the ship's corridors, heading towards the satellite laser on the deck. Chris got there first, and quickly unhooked the laser from its many wires. He hefted it up onto his shoulders and grinned at Sheva.  
"Well Sheva? Think it's time to kick Excella's ass?" Sheva shrugged.  
"As long as you don't miss." He twitched.  
"That was one time. One Time."  
"And we died like six times because of that one time."  
"So! You killed Jill like forty times!"  
"That's cause my rifle wasn't tuned properly."  
"What is it, a guitar? It's a damn rifle!" A large tentacle smashing to the ground next to them made them jump.  
"We'll argue later. Let's kill this bitch." Chris raised a brow at her.  
"Alright then. I'm holding you to that." He then launched himself up the ladder, Sheva following at a moderate pace. He aimed the satellite laser, fired, and utterly missed. "SHIT!"  
"What did I say about missing!"  
"SHUT IT! I got this!" He aimed the laser once more after it beeped. He sneered. "Excella, darling, do try not to dodge my satellite lasers. I do need to kill you."  
"Chris just take the damn shot!" He pouted and turned to her.  
"But I had an entire monologue set up for this moment!"  
"I don't care if the freaking President was trying to make a speech! Just take the damn shot!" Chris sighed, and adjusted his aim a bit.  
"Sorry about this darling. But you're going down." And he fired. However, neither counted on the tentacles that came swooping down on them, killing them rather easily. Sheva groaned at the sight of the boat interior. Chris mumbled something or another.  
"Chris, next time, no monologues."  
"Fine."

**#22 Jake's Mother? RE6-ish.**  
***Note, this one does not actually take place in RE. This is just something my brother said and I had to type out.**

The brown headed girl, who we shall call T for now, sighed at the sight of the "You are Dead" message. Her blond brother, newly named J, grumbled under his breath. T reached up and adjusted her glasses before turning to her brother.  
"Okay, J, man, you suck as Sherry."  
"You suck as Jake!" T huffed and set the controller down.  
"Oh come on, I've never played as him before! Hell, I didn't even know Wesker had a kid until now!" J shrugged.  
"Yeah, I didn't either until I play 6." He got a questioning look in his eyes. "Who do you think his mom is?"  
"Isn't he a redhead? I thought Jake would have blond hair, ya know, more Wesker-y looking blond hair." J nodded.  
"Who's all redheaded in Resident Evil?"  
"Claire Redfield is." J grinned.  
"There you go! Claire and Wesker so hooked up and had Jake!" T burst out laughing.  
"Oh yes, and they got married under the moonlight. Dude, J, that's so improbable! I mean, Wesker kicked her ass in Antarctica, and on Rockfort!" J started laughing as well.  
"I guess it is kind of unlikely. But just imagine if she was his mom!"  
"It is funny to think about. But no, Jake's mum was some chick from Edonia. You know, where the campaign started from."  
"Anyway, wanna try again?"  
"Hell yeah!"

**#23 Damn Leeches RE: Umbrella Chronicles**

Rebecca stared, horror-struck, at the big black leeches slowly leaking down from the ceiling of the train. Billy Coen stood in front of her, gun in hand.  
"Pull yourself together lady!" Billy shouted, firing at the leeches. He turned to look at her after a few rounds. Rebecca swallowed roughly.  
"B-But those are freaking huge leeches!" Billy raised a brow at her.  
"Are you scared of a couple of leeches?" Rebecca shuddered and pointed behind him.  
"N-NO! I'm afraid of hundreds of leeches!" Billy turned around as Rebecca booked it in the opposite direction.  
"Son of a bitch! That's a lot of damn leeches!" He shouted, before running after Rebecca. True to her word, there were now hundreds of leeches where the few had once been. "Kid! Wait up!"  
"It's Rebecca! And hell no!"

**#24 Nemisis is so Cool! RE: Operation Raccoon City**

Four Eyes was awe-struck. A marvel of science stood before her, growling out the same word over and over.  
"STAAAAAARS!" It shouted once more, aiming at the rest of the Wolfpack, who had foolishly run down to combat it. She stayed on the balcony they had started on, gathering up all the First Aid Sprays and Antiviral Sprays there. Plus, there was unlimited ammo there!  
"FOUR EYES! Get down here now!" Lupo called up at her, and she sighed. She quickly reloaded her Assault Rifle and joined the rest of the Wolfpack on the ground. Only to realize that everyone but Lupo had died. And that Lupo was infected.  
"Lupo! How are you infected already!" Lupo growled out something and continued firing at the awesome Science experiment before her. "Stop shooting at him!" Lupo gave her a glare.  
"Four Eyes, you better give me some Antiviral spray or so help me god I will murder you right now!" Four Eyes shrugged and aimed a purple-blue spray bottle at Lupo. She sprayed the other woman with the blue-ish liquid inside. "Thank you. Now, help me take down the Nemisis Project!" Four Eyes shook her head.  
"No way! Such a science marvel deserves not the bullets we fire at him!" Lupo grumbled to herself and pointed at the large needle containing the Tyrant Parasite hooked to the scientist's belt.  
"Four Eyes, we need to get the Nemisis under Umbrella control once again. Put your petty science shit away for ten damn minutes!"  
"Fine. But, Nemisis is still far to cool for this." Four Eyes said, before she unleashed a hailstorm of bullets at the Nemisis.


	7. Old-School Four

**A/N: I've recently found my old Playstation! The first one! And my old RE games. :D I've been replaying those, so many of these next ones will be from all those RE games for the PS1.**

Chapter 7: Old-school Four

**#25 You Were Almost... Resident Evil**

Jill lowered her gun, and made use of one of her titles, the Master of Unlocking, to open the door in front of her. She pushed it open, and, now raising her gun, inched herself into the corridor on the other side. A zombie moaned and started slowly making its way towards her. She freaked, and fired her remaining four bullets into it. It flinched back at each shot, but continued to shuffle towards her. She backed away through the still open door, and slammed it shut behind her.  
"Yeah... no, no zombie death-bite for me." She muttered, before moving to the door ahead of her. She opened it quickly. It lead to a bland room with only one other door. She made her way to the other door and moved inside the office-like room there. She glanced around it, before spotting a shotgun resting on a wall. "Ooh, yes baby!" She smirked and removed the shotgun from its spot. She examined it for a few seconds before declaring it in perfect working order. "Now, to get the hell out of here." She made her way back into the bland room, closing the door behind her. And then both doors locked. "Oh shit. That's not good!" She ran to the door leading to the hallway, but it was locked. She heard a grinding sound, and looked up. The ceiling was slowly descending down on her. "Fuck."  
"Jill? Are you in there?"  
"Barry! Help me, the ceiling's falling! Get me the hell out of here!"  
"Back away from the door! I'm kicking it down!" Barry shouted, before the door came crashing in. Jill ran out, just in time. The ceiling crashed to the floor just as she passed through the doorway.  
"Phew! That was close!" She said, wiping her forehead.  
"Yeah. You were almost a Jill Sandwich." Barry said, relieved. Jill raised a brow.  
"A sandwich Barry? I was almost a sandwich from nearly being crushed to death?" Barry flushed slightly and looked away.  
"I'm hungry, okay!"

**#26 Damn Snakes! Resident Evil**

"RICHARD!" Jill shouted, pushing on the dying man's chest. When she noticed his breathing had ceased sometime during her poor attempt at CPR, she removed her bloodied hands and wiped them on Richard's pants. She muttered under her breath about her red-stained hands and stood. "Ugh, where's the closest place to wash my hands?" She questioned, before spotting a door ahead of her. "Oh, that looks promising." She kicked open the door, not wanting to get blood on the handle.

Jill glanced around the small hallway she found herself in, before spotting another door in front of her, atop a few stairs. She bounded up said stairs, before discovering that the door was locked. "Shit." She fished her only remaining Mansion Key, disgusted at getting blood on her pants, and shoved it into the keyhole. It clicked, and she kicked the door open. She stepped into the attic, and grumbled, "Dammit, this is not a bathroom." She spotted something glittering across the room, and her curiosity peeked. "OOH! Something shiny!"She rushed to it, and barely had time to pick it up before a giant ass snake burst out of nowhere and bit her leg. "OW! DAMN SNAKE!" She shot it in its eye, making it rear back and hiss in pain, before limping as quick as she could out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She looked at the emblem in her hands for a few seconds before shoving it into her pocket. She started to feel woozy as she stepped down the stairs. "Whoa, where'd the rainbow come from?" She mumbled before falling over. "I think... I need that serum shit or something..."  
"Miss Valentine, what a surprise." She blinked and looked over at her Captain. Or was he just a hallucination?  
"Oh hey Cap'n Wekker! Didja see that rainbow?" She gestured towards the other door in the hallway. Her Captain raised a brow, but humoured her and looked at the door.  
"Valentine, you are mistaken. That is a door."  
"Oh for real? Damn, musta be dat snake ven-ve-poison shit." She pointed to the door she come from. "The one in there, I think... eh... I need that serum shit... that Rich... Richard? Yeah... Richard got..." Her eyesight got blurry then, and black around the edges. "An' soon..." With that, she passed out. She vaguely felt herself being moved before she felt nothing at all.

**#27 Decisions, Decisions. Resident Evil 3: Nemesis**

_**Fight the monster **_  
_**Enter the Police Station**_

Jill pondered over her possible moves for a few seconds, before deciding that the giant monster that just killed Brad was absolutely terrifying and running away is most likely the best decision. Unfortunately, she decided this a little too late. The monster rammed into her, picked her up, and promptly impaled her with that weird tentacle thing that he did with Brad. A brief history flashed before her eyes. After watching her death over, she opened her eyes to see the old typewriter that she had written her name on.  
"Note to self, next time, choose your decision quicker."

_**Hide in the back**_  
_**Jump out the window  
**_

This time, Jill wasted no time in deciding. She grabbed Carlos, the nice Umbrella soldier she had just met, and dragged him to the window.  
"Uh, Jill? What are you doing?" She turned to him, before backing up.  
"Escaping that monster."  
"Yeah, uh, how exactly are we gonna do that?" She flashed him a grin and a thumbs-up.  
"We're gonna jump through the window!"  
"Wait, Jill, I don't think-" Carlos started, but Jill wasn't listening. She started running towards him.  
"TOO LATE!" She shouted, before tackling him, sending them both crashing through the window. They fell a few metres, eventually landing roughly on a pile of garbage.  
"Ow, ow, ow... Jill, you're crazy, you know that?" Carlos said as he painfully sat up. "Like seriously, I think I broke something." Jill rolled her eyes and leaped to her feet.  
"Wah, wah, wah, cry me a river. You're a pussy." She flipped him the finger before turning and stalking off down the alley.

**#28 Uh...Barry? Resident Evil: Deadly Silence**

Barry crouched next to the rather large puddle. He dipped his fingers in it, ignoring the weird look he got from Jill, and sniffed the liquid. He sighed and wiped his fingers on his red vest.  
"It's blood." Jill choked on air and pointed at the puddle.  
"Uh, Barry-"  
"It is blood Jill."  
"But Barry, it's-" He glared at her before returning his attention to the puddle.  
"It's blood. I hope it's not Chris' blood."  
"BARRY!" He jumped at Jill's sudden shout, and turned to her.  
"What is it Jill!" She pointed at the puddle.  
"That is GREEN. I don't know if you passed basic Biology, but people bleed RED. Chris bleeds RED." Barry frowned and looked at the puddle.  
"But Jill, it's blood." Jill palmed her face before walking out the side door. She continued down the hallway and saw a gruesome scene. Kenneth from Bravo team was being eaten by a weird, hairless man in a green suit. He moaned in a zombie-like fashion, before jumped on her and clawing at her.  
"HOLY SHIT! BARRY! HELP!" Jill screamed and ran back to the door to the dining room, slamming it shut behind her, and hiding behind Barry, who was rather confused by her behaviour.  
"Jill? What's wrong?"  
"It's a monster! It was eating Kenneth!" The green-suit zombie strutted into the room, all high and zombie like, only to get a bullet to the head. Jill sighed in relief, and looked down at her wounds. She stared, wide-eyed, at her arm. Barry turned to her.  
"Jill?"  
"M-My..." She raised her arm up. "I'M BLEEDING GREEN BLOOD!"


	8. 2930-3132

Chapter 8: 293-0-3132  


#29 Look, Kid... RE2

***When I first played RE2, I kept forgetting Sherry's name. And then, when I replayed RE2, it was like Sherry's name just blanked from my memory. Haha, and I played as her in Jake's campaign (RE6) at the same time. Wow brain.**

Claire walked out of the save room, only to get the bejeezus scared out of her by that blonde brat that kept running from her.

"Holy sh-! Kid, where'd you come from?!"

"Claire!" Claire frowned. How did the kid know her name? Wait, didn't they meet already...?

"Uh, hey, err... Sally, right?"

"It's Sherry!"

"That's what I thought it was! I was just testing you." The blonde kid blinked in confusion, and shook her head. As she was about to say something, a loud roar cut the air. "What the-"

"Oh no! The monster's here!"

"Monster?"

"I gotta run Claire!" And, before Claire could really understand what the kid was saying, the brat booked it down the hall, hopped atop a box, and climbed through a hole in the fence there.

"Oi, Kid! Where are you going!" Claire ran to the fence and tried to peer over it at Sherry. "Kid, wait, come back, it's dangerous!"

"Claire! I can't climb back over!"

"Then why did you jump in the first place dumbass!" Claire raged, kicking the fence. Sherry gasped.

"My mommy says that's a bad word!"

"I don't care!"

"Here Claire! Take this. I'll find another way over!" The kid threw something through the hole, and it smacked into Claire's head.

"Ouch! You brat!"

"I'll meet up with you soon Claire!" Claire grumbled and grabbed the shiny key off the ground as Sherry started running off.

"Damn brat... wait... what was her name again?"

* * *

#30 Do You Know... RE6

Jake slowly lowered his shirt over his head and chest. He was thinking about what that crazy bitch in the dress had said. Sherry was behind the locker one over, taking her time getting dressed. He sat on the bench, facing away from the blonde, and frowned. He turned his head to the her, and braced himself to ask... _**the**_ _**question.**_

"Say, Super-girl..." Sherry perked up, and leaned away from the locker to look at him, buttoning her shirt as she went.

"Yeah Jake?"

"Did you know a... an Albert Wesker?" Sherry grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, he worked with my parents in Umbrella! Why?" Jake raised a brow and gestured to himself. "Oh, right! Forgot you were his kid! Haha, I should have told you sooner!" She laughed and finished buttoning her shirt.

"Sherry! When were you gonna tell me, huh?"

"Probs later. But what was I supposed to say? Your father was a megalomaniac asshole that wanted to destroy the world with his so-called dooms-day project Uroboros?"

"Well no, but-"

"And not just that, but that he worked with my father and mother on the T-Virus, which caused the entire Raccoon City breakout? Or that he lead the S.T.A.R.S. team to their deaths in a mansion for test data?"

"I-"

"How about that he faked his death several times just so he could accumulate more power, even if it eventually wasn't enough? That he finally died after falling into a volcano and having Chris Redfield and his partner at the time, Sheva Alamor, fire rocket launchers at him?"

"..." Jake stared at her, speechless. Sherry covered her mouth.

"Oh, shit, I said too much."

"...that guy... Chris Redfield killed my father! I never got to meet the man because of this Redfield guy!" Sherry blinked.

"Out of my entire rant, that was the only thing you picked up? He didn't even do it alone!"

"What do you kno-"

"Jake! Face it. Your father was a power-hungry sociopath that wanted to destroy the world! For Gods' sake, I met the man before the Raccoon City incident! He wasn't much different then!"

"I..." Jake started, falling onto the bench. "I need a drink..." Sherry sighed and patted his shoulder.

"Sorry, but you're underage. Not 21 yet, Boy Wonder."

"Don't ever call me that again."

* * *

#31 He's Obviously Evil! RE: Degeneration

***I know this isn't a game, but I recently watched this and I was like, wow. That one guy is so obviously evil it isn't funny. And this was born!**

"Claire, he's not evil." Leon said, rolling his eyes. Claire glared and pointed at the man in question.

"Look at him! He just screams EVIL!" Leon humoured her and looked at the rather ordinary looking man.

"Claire, Frederic Downing is not evil, no matter how much you think so."

"But he is!"

"Why is he evil, huh?" Claire looked at Leon like he was stupid.

"For one, he worked for Umbrella. Two, he's head researcher at a **_pharmaceutical company. _**Three, just look at him! Who wears gray-plaid suits anymore! It's tacky and clearly a sign of evil!"

"Look, Claire, I know you've had a bad history with researchers from pharmaceutical companies, but just because he is one, does not mean he is evil."

"He has the antidote to the T-Virus! Everyone and their mothers know that it is illegal to get within five miles of where Raccoon City used to be!" She glared at the researcher. "There was no way the government simply allowed him a sample of the virus." Leon rolled his eyes again.

"Claire, you said it yourself. He worked for Umbrella. He stole a sample before the company crashed and burned." Leon got a confused expression on. "Speaking of his former work, how in the world did you know he worked for Umbrella?"

"His bumper sticker has Umbrella's logo, he carries an Umbrella ID card in his front pocket, and his car fresheners are shaped like the Umbrella logo. Plus, he has a few documents just laying around in his car, all with the words Umbrella Pharmaceutical Company plastered at the top."

"I'm sure there is a rational explanation for those items..."

"Leon."

"Okay, fine. But just because he used to work for Umbrella does not mean he's evil." Claire glared.

"Fine. I'll prove it to you."

* * *

A few hours later, they stood outside of one Frederic Downing's interrogation room. Claire was smirking and Leon was hitting himself.

"I can't believe you were correct."

"I told you! I could **_sense _**his evilness. It's just radiating off of him. Seriously, it was the suit. Only evil people wear tacky suits."

* * *

#32 In a Second... RE4

"LEON! HELP!" Leon twirled around, gun raised for whatever was threatening Ashley. He almost dropped his gun when he saw that she just needed help off the small ledge he himself had just jumped off.

"Ashley, it's a small ledge. Just jump down."

"But Leon! I can't!"

"And why not?"

"LEON! HELP!" He holstered his gun and, while muttering death threats to her under his breath, helped her off the ledge.

"Next time just jump."

* * *

"LEON! HELP!" He turned to her, and saw her standing above the ladder he just climbed down.

"Ashley-"

"LEON! HELP!"

"Look, Ashley, just climb-"

"HELP ME LEON!"

"FINE!" He stomped back up the ladder, threw her over his shoulder, and jumped back down.

* * *

"LEON! HELP ME!" Leon glared, but ignored her in favour of selling a few more items to the Merchant.

"What'cha buying, stranger?"

"Hmm, I can use more grenades. Oh, and that gun. Can I get a few upgrades to my current one first?"

"LEON! HELP!"

"In a second Ashley, I'm busy!"

"That'd be 45'000 pestas, stranger."

"HELP ME! LEON!" As Leon handed over the money, he vaguely noted that her voice sounded further away. He smiled, and checked out his guns.

"Everything looks in order. Thank you."

"Be seeing ya, stranger." The Merchant packed up his supplies and left. Leon turned to see what petty problem Ashley was having trouble with now. Only to see that she was gone.

"Ashley?" He looked around, in and around buildings, for her. "Where'd you go?" He shrugged and contineud on his way. "I'm sure I'll run into her sooner or later."


End file.
